How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

Friends are needy. People are demanding. If you've had it with the human race and are ready to go it alone, follow these easy steps.

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Step 1:

Honest To A Fault

Honesty is a good quality, right? If your friend looks like a fat cow in that skirt, tell her so.

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Step 2:

The Friend Who Knew Too Much

Share your knowledge- all of it. Condescending know-it-alls are great at alienating people.

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Step 3:

No Secrets

Never zip your lips when a friend tells you a juicy secret- even if it means you might not have anyone left to gossip with.

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Step 4:

Love Yourself

Love Yourself. Even at the expense of others. Selfishness rocks!

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Step 5:

You Be The Judge

Go ahead, Judge Judy. Give the verdict on your friends' every choice.

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Step 6:

Positively Negative

There's a negative to everything- find it. Extra credit for constant complaining.

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Step 7:

What's Yours Is Mine

Trash anything your friends give you. And don't forget to never pick up the bill.